I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
