Clothes are such an inconvenience.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
