I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
