tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Bring me that man meat
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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