piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
