her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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