Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
