just come out here and I will go home with you...
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Green mimosas i think yes
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
