This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
