Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
