Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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