You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
