If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
