Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
