Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
