He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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