after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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