brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I am one with the molecules
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
