I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
