I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
