Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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