I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
