If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
