You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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