There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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