drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
