After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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