You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
