Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The feeling are messing with the penis
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
