Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
