So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
