Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
