nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
