thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
