Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
