You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Randomize
