And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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