Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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