My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
