I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
