I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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