the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
