woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
