Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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