Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
