you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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