alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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