on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
