who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
