literally had 100 drinks last night.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
