took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
