woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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