You can't special order awesome
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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