I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
NoShamevember. You game?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
