Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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