Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize