community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
