Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
