you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
