Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
