so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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