last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
