you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
