Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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