wakey wakey hands off snakey
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
