I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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