Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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