i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
