Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
