I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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