idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
