Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He shit in the fireplace
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
