The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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