How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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