reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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