What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
