Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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