I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
