He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
