I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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